Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Attention Nielsen households!

Attention Nielsen households, I would like a moment of your time. It's true I've never met anyone who said they belong to the mysterious group of people who decide what it is Americans watch on TV. To be honest I'm not entirely sure that you exist... or that if you do exist you are not a bunch of funny monkeys.

But for whatever reason, the gods have decided that you are the people that matter. You are the ones that tell the networks what is popular and what people are watching... despite the fact that technology has improved so much in the past ten years... that we probably don't need a random sampling of TV "viewers." I'm sure there's probably a way that the "powers that be" could create a system where almost everyone's viewing habits mattered... but apparently society would rather stay put in the 80's.

Now I know we've had a difficult relationship in the past. It's because of you "Arrested Development" is no longer on the air. It's your fault "Firefly" no longer charms sci-fi audiences. "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" would be in it's 8th season without you.. It's your fault that "American Idol" is the top rated show on television. I won't lie. I am bitter. But you have done a few good things... somehow "Lost" is still on the air... Okay, so you've really only done one good thing.

But I'm willing to put all problems aside if you will please watch "Dollhouse." The rumor mill is suggesting that the show may not be long for this world. DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN. Make a difference. Watch a show that is different. That is fun. That is challenging. Don't let another "Firefly" happen.

Yes, "Dollhouse" isn't the best show on TV.. but it one day could be. Don't let this show die before it's had a chance to become great. Stop watching "Dancing with the Stars." Please.

I will send you money.

Thanks for your time.

PS. Please also watch "Good Morning Utah"


Rice.and.Mr.Pudding said...

I really don't believe that Nielsen is a group. I think it's a guy. One single, solitary guy named Nielsen that watches a lot of The Bachelor, Survivor, and NCIS. Then he calls it in each week, reports on what he liked, complains about shows that he won't watch because they're too confusing or "alieny", and then asks that they send him more pretzels and beer in return for his services. Well, Mr. Nielsen, you've ruled the airwaves for too long. When you pass on, sitting in your Lazy-Boy, I will shed no tears for you!

Erik A. said...

It is a conspiracy. Any chance of breaking into the inner sanctum of the Nielsen group? Maybe ask a reporter on good morning Utah to do an investigative report.

Miskatonic said...

Sorry to rain on your conspiracy parade, but I used to belong to a Nielsen household. I know that it's hard to believe, but it's true.

Back in college, I shared 1/3 of a house with 4 other guys. We had a TV, a VCR, and a Super Nintendo. One day we got a call announcing our opportunity to join the Nielsen circle of TV snob pariahs. I think they even paid us $20/month or something. Anyway, they sent a guy out to hook everything up. So, he delivers this little black box with wires coming out of it to the TV, cable box, VCR and even the Super Nintendo. While hooking the thing up, I guess the guy touched the head of my VCR and ruined it. I got a brand new VCR out of the deal (it still sits unused in my entertainment system just in case...). The point is that setting the box up was a sensitive operation.

Funny thing was, the only shows we really watched those years were Seinfeld and Simpsons reruns.

Miskatonic said...

So, I watched episode 2 the other night and was intrigued by it. The whole mother thing was great and I loved how they wrote in the "changed on a glandular level" thing. Unfortunately, there were unacceptable holes all over the thing:

1. I do not buy that Topher and the Dollhouse would have overlooked the potential problems with his genius innovation. Even though the payoff provided some entertaining Topher quips.
2. Engineers make good money, but there's no way he would have been able to afford an active (especially a high-end one) on a consistent basis. This problem adds to problem #1. Just how freaking long did he intend this woman to raise his baby? Didn't the neighbors think it was strange that a brand new woman was taking the place of the very recently deceased wife? Yet, here he is, leaving her at home while he's off to work. Surely the Dollhouse could have recruited a more appropriately looking active for the job. Lame!!!
3. It makes no sense that Echo would have confronted the "John" at the end. She was afraid for both her life as well as her own. Her intent in going there was to rescue her baby and get away for good. Why try to kill him with a knife in one hand and the baby she's trying to protect in the other?
4. Where did she get the roll-up ladder... her own personal helicopter?

That said, I don't want this show to get canceled. If only I still had that Nielsen box...

P.S. Clever post, Cortney.